LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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