I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
