Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
