I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
