Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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