I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He did a backflip because drugs
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