Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
