i would punch a child for taco bell
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize