We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize