my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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