the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
