I think i sorta joined a cult last night
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
