We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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