I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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