No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
