Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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