Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize