Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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