It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
