I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
