My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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