were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I need mimosas to revive my soul
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
