i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My feet surprised me
Randomize
