this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Did I show you my penis last night?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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