I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize