I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
