Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
