Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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