MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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