I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
did you just send me my own nude
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
