Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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