is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
