Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
