Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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