I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
that may or may not have been my penis.
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