My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
