Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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