I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
