the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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