Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
