***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize