It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
