so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize