I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You did what with his pubic hair?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
