Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
