Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
