3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i've created a new STD.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize