The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
