I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
