I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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