Barsexuality is the new black.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
