that's an acceptable place to lick
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
