You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
