marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
