After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
