i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
