Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
