So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
