I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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