just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
