Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize