You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
