i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
