remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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