I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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