Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
