There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
