just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
