I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
